Freedom Through Looking Within
Apr 15, 2020By Andrea Catlett
This year my feelings surprised me when I pulled into my youngest kid's school parking lot. I hadn't driven on that same pavement for about two years, and the last time I drove in I was pulling my oldest son, Will, out of the school because of severe bullying and a threat to his life. Over the summer, I mentioned to my youngest child, Grant, numerous times that I would gladly enroll him in the school where Will transferred to and had great success. However, Grant always replied, "I want to go where my friends are going, not where Will went." I couldn't blame him; I would want the same thing, so I let it be. But on the morning of registration, once I got onto that school campus, I felt like screaming, “NO, I CAN'T LET YOU IN THERE!”
I didn't want Grant to walk in the school because he is my youngest child and has been through enough. He nearly died of asthma as an infant and, in second grade, he was taken via flight for life to the ICU for stroke-like symptoms. I didn't know if I could handle another threat to his life. I heard bullying was still a problem at the school, and I was distraught. As I got out of my car and walked down the main entrance, I continued to have raw emotion boiling inside me. I needed to talk to God, but at that moment, my focus was getting Grant registered for school, then getting out of there!
It wasn't until a few days after registration that I spent time praying and asking Jesus to help me with the bitterness I was holding onto against the school. As I was praying, I looked up the definition of bitterness because I wanted to understand the true meaning. I found Google defines bitterness as "Anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly; resentment." After I read that definition, a light went off in my head because I finally understood the underlying issue of my heart.
As I continued to pray, I was still in shock at how Google perfectly defined what was occurring in the depths of my heart and mind. I became fully aware I was holding on to the extreme disappointment causing bitterness to rise in my heart. It also made me realize how my heart was crushed because of the way Will was bullied. It was so unfair. I needed Jesus to heal my wounded heart. So, with the definition of bitterness fresh in my mind, I knew exactly how to pray. Just as MORE Mentoring talks about being specific in your prayer, I said, "Jesus, I am disappointed and hurt by the way Will was treated at school. (I inserted the kid's name) mistreated him, and the administration didn't do what was necessary. God, will you forgive me for the bitterness I've held against (school name)?"
After that simple prayer, I felt a breakthrough. I emptied myself of bitterness, and got a hold of God, cleansing me by looking within. I hope through my realization of naming and then asking God to forgive me for bitterness, that you, too, can take this into practice when you are with your mentor. I know there is freedom when we ask God to forgive.
Andrea Catlett has a practical theology degree and is currently finishing her masters in ministry at Portland Seminary. Throughout her life, she has served in a wide variety of ministries and currently serves as an Area Coordinator, Special Needs Facilitator, and State Team Member for Moms in Prayer. She has found connecting to God and then connecting to others as her life calling. Find out more about Andrea on Facebook or Instagram, as well as her blog Andrea’s Heart Expressed.
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