Starting A Mentoring Relationship

By Sarah Brooks and Nancy Lindgren

Have you wanted to mentor someone but not sure how to approach them or to get the conversation started? 

Here are some helpful action steps to take:

PRAY + PURSUE + PARTICIPATE

1. Pray
Let God guide your steps, your words, and your ask. He will even guide you to WHO and open doors and opportunities to mentor. He is so good at that! As you pray, be watching for someone you aren’t even thinking about. Maybe it’s a neighbor or a co-worker or a relative or someone at church. When God leads you, it will be a divine and glorious connection.

2. Pursue 
Nothing will happen unless somebody takes the first step. Be intentional. Be invitational. Be bold. Be fearless.

As you’re talking to someone who you are hoping to mentor and connect with, look for an opportunity to say, “I would love to hear your story. We should hang out sometime.” This is a great way to start that connection.

Keep the invite fun and simple. Here are some ideas:
“I’d love for us to grab coffee on me! Are you available?”
“Do you like to golf? Let’s go hit some balls sometime next week!”
“What does your next week look like? I’d love to hang out with you.” 
“I know your kids play sports! I want to come to a game and sit with you!”

You could invite him/her for a walk, hike, early evening hang with appetizers, to fold laundry together, fish, paint, or go to the playground, or dog park! Something fun and light is a great way to start a relationship!

+ Set a time and date – Meeting options are fun! Make sure to throw out date options, too, so that the idea doesn’t stay an idea! “Are you free next week?” “When is your daughter’s next game?” “Do you have an afternoon where we could hit the green?”

+ Remove pressure – Use the words “no pressure,” whenever you invite someone. Whether it’s to hang together or to mentor them, you can end it with, ”You won’t hurt my feelings if you say no.” This takes the pressure off of them! They may feel too busy, unsure, or unavailable but they may be afraid to hurt your feelings and say no. When it comes to mentoring relationships, we want a BEST YES and for the commitment to meet together to be true and not forced. This statement releases pressure.

3. Participate

Look for an open door once you have had an opportunity to meet and get to know your hopefully soon-to-be mentee. You can simply say, “Let’s hang out more often! Would you be up to meeting again or possibly going through a book together?”

If they say yes, then that is a great time to mention the MORE mentoring guides and how simple it is to go through together. A lot of people think a mentoring relationship requires in-depth bible studies or books (aka extra work). Talking about the guide and its simplicity will get your potential mentee excited to meet without a huge time commitment. 

REMINDER: We have guides for women, men, teens, and guides specifically designed to go deeper or to take those first steps with your mentee. Click HERE to explore the options!

+ Safe space – Remind him/her that you are a safe space and that you would love to be a person that they can lean on in good and difficult times. That alone will spark a fire for them to seek you out as a mentor.

+ Practice – If you would feel more comfortable practicing with someone you know well first, grab a friend and a mentoring guide and go through a few sessions together to get comfortable with the flow and ease of it all. The more you practice, the more confident you will feel about being a great mentor.

(Excerpts from Mentoring Made Real, by Nancy Lindgren)


Sarah is a mom of 5 and wife to her hubby Joe for 16 years! She loves Jesus and is passionate about championing others in their faith. Sarah has led and mentored women in their health and fitness for 10 years, and is always looking for a way to be active with others. She loves quality time and adventures with her family, concerts, and gathering around the table with good food and friends. Don't ask her to choose between the mountains or the beach. Just give her a good historical fiction book, and take her on vacay!
 
Nancy Lindgren is a national speaker, author, and a natural encourager. She is the Founder and CEO of MORE Mentoring whose mission is mobilizing mentors to impact lives through prayer-focused mentoring. Nancy has over 35 years of experience in mentoring and loves championing mentors and mobilizers worldwide. Her ultimate vision is for Jesus to be fully experienced in mentoring relationships. Nancy and her husband, Mark, have midwestern roots, but now call Castle Rock, Colorado home. They love hiking in the beautiful outdoors unless, of course, rattle snakes are involved. You will always find a well-worn welcome mat at their front door.